A Guide From a 501(c)(3) Non-Profit

How to choose a sober living home with confidence

Most people choose a sober living home in a hurry — a few days before discharge, with a list of phone numbers and not much else to go on. This guide is the thing we wish everyone had in that moment: the exact questions to ask before you sign, the red flags worth walking away from, and the signs of a home that is run honestly.

📞 Talk to someone: (213) 321-6518 About our non-profit mission

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You are allowed to ask hard questions

A sober living home is where someone lives while their recovery is at its most fragile. It is also, for most people, a place they agree to sight-unseen, under time pressure, while exhausted. That combination is how people end up somewhere that does not fit.

Here is the frame that helps: you are choosing them as much as they are choosing you. Asking detailed questions about money, rules, and what happens on a bad day is not being difficult. A well-run home expects these questions and has answers ready. A home that gets irritated by them has just told you something important.

If you are not sure what a sober living home actually is or how it differs from treatment, start with our plain-language explainer, then come back here.

One thing to know about us: we are not a directory. We do not rank, verify, endorse, or refer people to specific homes, and nothing on this page recommends one house over another. Sober Living Companion is a program of Empower Next Project, a tax-exempt 501(c)(3) non-profit. This page exists so you can evaluate homes yourself.

The Core of It

The questions to ask before you move in

Ask these out loud, on the phone or in person, and write down the answers. If an answer is vague, ask it a second time in different words — the second answer is usually the real one.

Money — ask until it is boring

What exactly does rent cover? Utilities, food, Wi-Fi, laundry, transportation, drug tests? Get the list. "Everything" is not a list.
What costs extra, and how much? Intake fees, drug test fees, late fees, replacement key fees, program fees.
Is there a deposit, how much, and is it refundable? Under what exact conditions do you get it back, and how long does that take?
How and when is rent paid — weekly, monthly, on what date — and what happens if you are a few days late?
Do I get a receipt for every payment? The answer should be an immediate yes.

What happens if I relapse

This is the question people are most afraid to ask and the one that matters most. Ask it plainly, because the answer shapes everything else.

If I relapse, am I discharged the same day? Is there a warning, a step-up in structure, a chance to return?
Where do I go that night? Does anyone help arrange detox, treatment, or a safe ride — or are you on the sidewalk with your bags?
Do I lose my deposit? Do I get back rent I already paid for days I will not be living there?
Is that policy in writing? A relapse policy that only exists verbally is not a policy.

Testing, meetings, and structure

What is the drug testing policy? Random or scheduled, how often, what happens on a positive or a refusal — and who pays for the tests?
Is meeting attendance required? How many per week, and how is it verified — signed cards, an app, the honor system?
What is the curfew, and what is the process for a pass or an overnight away?
What is the guest policy? Can family visit, and where?
Do I need a job by a certain date? How many days, and what happens if you have not found one?

The house itself

How many people per room, and how many in the house total? Ask to see the actual room and bed you would be in.
Who is on-site overnight? A house manager who lives there, a rotating staff member, or nobody?
What training does the staff have, and how do I reach someone at 2 a.m.?
How are conflicts between residents handled? Every house has them. A real answer describes a process.
How long do people usually stay, and what is the most common reason someone leaves?

Medication — including MAT

Ask directly: can I keep my medication, and how is it stored? That includes psychiatric medication and medication for opioid use disorder — Suboxone, methadone, Vivitrol.

Some homes restrict or refuse MAT. If you are on it, this is not a detail to sort out after you move in — ask before you apply, and ask for the answer in writing. A home that will not put its medication policy on paper, or that treats your prescribed medication as something to be ashamed of, is a serious consideration for anyone on MAT. Whether a specific restriction is lawful can depend on the home and on state and federal law; that is a question for an attorney or your treatment team.

The agreement

Is there a written agreement, and can I read all of it before I sign? Take it away and read it somewhere quiet. "You can read it when you get here" is not an answer.
Do I get a copy I keep? Not a photo of a page — a full copy you still have in three months.
Does the agreement match what you just told me on the phone? Where it does not, the paper wins.

Red Flags

Signs to slow down or walk away

None of these are automatically proof of a bad home. All of them are worth a hard pause and a straight question.

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No written agreement

If nothing is on paper, nothing is promised. Every rule, fee, and consequence can change the week after you move in.

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Cash only, no receipts

If there is no record you paid, you cannot prove you paid. Ask for a receipt for every dollar, every time.

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Vague or shifting fees

The number moves depending on who you ask or when you ask. Ask twice and compare the answers.

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Pressure to sign right now

"This bed will be gone in an hour." Real urgency exists, but manufactured urgency is a sales tactic, and it does not belong here.

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Paying for referrals

Any hint that someone is being paid to send you to a specific home — or that the home pays for bodies in beds — is patient brokering. Walk away.

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Guaranteed sobriety

No one can promise you will stay sober. A home that promises outcomes is either lying or does not understand what it does.

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No clear relapse policy

If they cannot tell you what happens on the worst day, they have not thought about the worst day.

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You cannot visit first

A home with nothing to hide will show you the house. Refusal is information.

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Overcrowding

More beds than the rooms comfortably hold, or a number that does not match what you were told on the phone.

Green Flags

What a well-run home usually looks like

What you want to see

✓ A written agreement you can read before you sign, and keep after
✓ Clear, specific, consistent policies on money, testing, and guests
✓ A relapse process they describe the same way twice
✓ Willingness to answer every question without getting defensive
✓ References — a counselor, a case manager, a former resident
✓ Receipts for every payment, without asking

Certification, described honestly

In some states, recovery residences can be certified by a state affiliate of the National Alliance for Recovery Residences (NARR), or licensed under a state program. Where those programs exist, certification generally means a home has agreed to a set of published standards and to some form of oversight and complaint process.

Two honest caveats. This varies enormously by state — some have a robust program, others essentially none — so an uncertified home is not automatically a bad home. And certification is a floor, not a promise; it does not replace the questions above.

What you can do is ask: "Are you certified or licensed, by whom, and can I see it?" Then verify it with that body yourself rather than taking a logo on a website at face value. We cannot tell you which homes hold which credentials — we do not track that, and we will not guess.

In Practice

Visit if you can, and trust your read

Go see it. A twenty-minute walk-through tells you more than an hour on the phone. Look at the kitchen and the bathrooms. Look at the actual bed. Notice whether the house feels lived-in and cared for, or whether it feels like a place people are being stored.

Ask to talk to a current resident — ideally without a staff member standing next to you. Ask them one question: "What do you wish you'd known before you moved in?" If the home will not let you speak to anyone who lives there, that itself is an answer.

Trust your read of the house. If something feels off and you cannot name why, you are allowed to keep looking. People in early recovery are often trained out of trusting their own judgment. This is a good place to start trusting it again.

And if you are the family member making these calls: bring the list, take notes, and ask all of this on someone's behalf. You are not being paranoid — you are doing the part your person may not have the energy for right now.

Paying For It

If the money is the obstacle

Cost is the reason a lot of people end up in a home that is a poor fit, or in no home at all. Before you rule a place out, it is completely fair to ask whether they offer scholarship beds, sliding-scale rent, or a payment plan. Many homes have some flexibility and simply never advertise it. The worst answer you get is no.

Our non-profit also runs a rent assistance program for people in early recovery, because one missed payment should not cost someone their housing and their sobriety. Read how rent assistance works, or just call (213) 321-6518 and talk to a person.

📞 Call (213) 321-6518 ✉️ info@empowernextproject.org

One More Thing To Ask

"Do I get a copy of what I signed?"

Most of the trouble in this guide traces back to one thing: the resident has no record. No copy of the agreement, no receipt for the deposit, no written relapse policy — so when there is a disagreement, it is one person's memory against another's.

At homes that use Sober Living Companion, residents get our recovery app free, forever, and house agreements are e-signed, so the resident always has a copy of exactly what they agreed to, on their own phone.

We mention it for one reason: that kind of transparency is worth asking any home about, whether or not they use our app. "Will I have my own copy of everything I sign?" is a fair question anywhere.

More about the free resident app · Why we're a non-profit

Free for residents — on iPhone & Android

Real Help, Right Now

Free resources that are not us

We are not a directory and we cannot place you in a home. These are free, national, and independent — use them.

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SAMHSA National Helpline

Free, confidential, 24/7 treatment referral and information for individuals and families facing substance use disorders. Call 1-800-662-4357.

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FindTreatment.gov

The government's confidential search tool for treatment facilities. findtreatment.gov ↗

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988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

If you or someone you love is in crisis right now, call or text 988. Free and confidential, 24/7.

We have no partnership or affiliation with SAMHSA, findtreatment.gov, or the 988 Lifeline. We list them because they are real, free, and genuinely useful.

FAQ

Common questions

What questions should I ask before moving into a sober living home?

Ask exactly what rent covers and what costs extra, whether there is a deposit and if it is refundable, what happens if you relapse, who pays for drug tests, whether meeting attendance is required and how it is verified, the curfew and guest policy, whether you need a job by a certain date, how many people share a room, who is on-site overnight, how conflicts are handled, whether you can keep your medication, and whether you can read the written agreement before you sign it.

What are the biggest red flags in a sober living home?

No written agreement, cash-only payments with no receipts, fees that are vague or that change when you ask twice, pressure to sign or move in immediately, any sign the home is paying or being paid for referrals, promises that guarantee sobriety, no clear relapse policy, refusal to let you see the house before you commit, and overcrowding. Any one of these is worth a hard pause.

Can a sober living home refuse me if I take Suboxone or methadone?

Some homes do restrict or refuse medication for opioid use disorder. Whether a particular restriction is lawful can depend on the home and on state and federal law, and that is a question for an attorney or your treatment team. Practically, if you are on MAT, ask before you apply and ask for the answer in writing. A home that will not put its medication policy in writing is not a safe place to bet your recovery on.

What happens to my deposit if I relapse and get discharged?

That depends entirely on the home's written agreement, which is exactly why you should read it before you sign. Ask directly: if I relapse, am I discharged the same day, do I get my deposit back, and do I get back any rent I already paid for days I will not be there? Get the answer in writing rather than as a reassurance in a conversation.

Should I visit a sober living home in person before I move in?

If you can, yes. Photos and phone calls hide a lot. Walk through the house, see the actual room and bed you would be assigned, and ask to speak with a current resident without staff standing there. If a home will not let you visit before you commit, treat that as information.

Does Sober Living Companion recommend or verify specific sober living homes?

No. We are not a directory and we do not rank, verify, endorse, or refer people to specific homes. We are a program of Empower Next Project, a 501(c)(3) non-profit, and this page exists to help you evaluate homes yourself. For help finding treatment and recovery housing options, call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357, free and confidential, 24/7, or use findtreatment.gov.

You Are Not On Your Own

If you want to talk it through, call us

We can't tell you which home to pick — but we can help you think through what you're being told. Sober Living Companion is a program of Empower Next Project, a tax-exempt 501(c)(3) non-profit (EIN 39-3580172).

📞 Call (213) 321-6518 ✉️ info@empowernextproject.org What is a sober living home?